Vermin

I’m at home this morning waiting in for pest control. We have a mouse. I say we have a mouse but they are sociable creatures so it’s unlikely that it’s come alone. We live in an old terrace, and if one person in the street has a mouse then potentially everybody in the street has mice. Cornflake and I have battled them over the years, we’ve even caught and released them in the park near the zoo. We had a positive infestation one time, I fell asleep on the sofa one evening when Cornflake was away. and woke up to mice playing on the rug, I threw an exercise ball pump at them, they played with it. If they weren’t so unhygienic I’d call them all Micky and let them play. We gave away a sofa onetime and the friend we gave it to found a noisy mouse in it, I’m a bad person, or, I’m generous with my vermin…Your choice.

We’ve plugged up every conceivable mouse sized hole, but they make new ones.

Have you seen Tom and Jerry? Yes, just like that.

*Later.*

Well, The Mouse Man has no idea where those little suckers are coming in from, all entrances sealed, no new ones nibbled. I don’t know why they’re here even, we rarely have much food in the house due to lack of space, we have a tiny kitchen, we can’t have drawers open on one side and the oven open on the other, we can’t open the fridge and dishwasher simultaneously. At the end of our street you’ll find most food shops, M & S, Sainsbury’s, Lidl, Waitrose etc. There’s also every nationality of restaurant, so no reason to stash food. I’m dieting and so is Cornflake now ( three weeks in and he’s 10 lbs down, yes, I know, bloody annoying, but well done….) Consequently there’s not much on offer food wise for Mickey and his mates, so why is he here?!

I clean very thoroughly when mice appear as they piss and shit as they go. That may well count as a bit of cardio I think…..I’m looking for that silver lining.

When we set humane traps, the mice are quite particular. Cheese doesn’t attract any in our experience, chocolate does but we’ve had our best success with peanut butter.

This batch aren’t getting that kind treatment. Spread the word, no more Mrs Nice Fat Tart.

The mice man cometh…