Can you trust a diarist?

Well, this week I may have to review my opinion of the johnson, it seems he may be the person to unite this divided country after all…by achieving ’a deal’ that pisses everyone off. In many ways this seems appropriately democratic, shitty but equally disappointing for all.

I wonder how this period of politics will be seen by future generations, historically. I know that the writings of contemporary diarists are considered very valuable to researchers. Will they consider my drawing of the johnson under a pile of shit of his own making a pertinent political comment?

I’d like to think so, but I have bad diary writing form that should it be discovered there’d be no chance.

At about 17 years old I was given a diary, the sort that has a lock and no dates so that you can really express yourself and keep your inner most thoughts secret.

In a very short space of time I realised that the only reason I would lock mine was out of shame about it’s dull contents.

After a few days I thought that I would cut the time spent on this diary by creating a multiple choice system. All I then needed to do was list the variants that applied, a number and a letter for each section of the day.

1. a) The cat woke me up early b) I over slept c) I got up on time

2. a) had cereal b) skipped breakfast c) had toast

3. a) I had to run for the bus b) The bus was late c) I missed the bus d) I walked to save the bus fare

4. morning lessons were, a) dull beyond belief b) bearable c) I wouldn’t know I fell asleep d) a laugh

5. a) I had a pasty for lunch b) I walked to the chip shop with Knitty c) I skipped lunch to save the lunch money

Obviously some days multiples were true 1 a, but then I fell asleep again so 1 b, 2 b, 3 a, 4 c, 5 b.

I got bored. My diary became a group project, a fiction. My friends and I wrote it between classes. Suddenly I was rescuing dogs from fast flowing rivers and stopping bank robbers using Karate. One memorable day I did both on the way to school.

There was an element of confusion sometimes when the very occasional, very funny or actually interesting thing happened. Luckily posterity won’t need to concern itself as this masterpiece has been lost/ binned.

I wonder how true historical diaries really are? How would we know? The most famous of all diarists Samuel Pepys must have slipped a few bits in for a laugh. Have you seen drawings of him? I can’t believe he was getting any extramarital action let alone lots. What about burying his cheese to save it from the fire of London?

He’s having us on.