Board bored

I don’t talk about my teaching much outside of work.

Currently I’m suffering a degree of hysteria, trying to hit the tighter than usual exam board deadlines. My nerves are all of a jangle. In addition to that, knowing that all this effort will reach its pinnacle with another couple of four hour meetings is enough to suck the life out of anyone. Some colleagues do exam boards end to end this time of year. I don’t have that kind of staying power, one pre board down and I’m already exam board bored.

Obviously I don’t like exam boards, a necessary evil, but I do like my job generally, my colleagues and I like students too.

Mostly I feel fondly towards them, some I really like.

They don’t necessarily feel the same about me.

Only once have I had a student that I felt the need to hide from. This student was an interesting, likeable character who had much too many questions. A cross between a toddler and a police interrogator. Outside of class time and tutorials sessions they would follow me to the toilet asking questions, to my office, to my car. I would answer honestly and constructively.

They did not act on the information and advice supplied, either in class, or at the lavatory door.

What they did instead was reword the questions, over and over again, hoping for different responses. I felt hounded. I would think I’d settled it all, told them to do whatever they liked. I would close the office door, only for them to knock thirty seconds later with just one more question. I felt like they were Columbo, and I had committed the murder.

After one such encounter, I watched out of the window as they left the building, crossed the car park, then turned around and headed back. I ran out of the office, through the studio and hid in a locked room, on a table, legs drawn up, in the one corner that was not visible through the glass panels on the doors or through a window. I couldn’t see if they’d left. How long would I have to stay in there ffs? There was a knock on the door. I didn’t answer. Again, I didn’t answer. Again, a voice said, it’s ok Fat Tart, you can come out, they’ve gone.

A group of students had witnessed me diving for cover, took pity on me and didn’t give me away. Then came to get me when the coast was clear.

It was very kind of them.

I’d like to think that some of the bloopers included in submissions are kindnesses, gifts from students for my amusement. Today’s favourites are;

Regarding the use of natural fibres; Clothes you can breed through.

In reference to the scope of people who might be interested in the product; The age rage.

Describing non fussy and stylish garments; Simply sheik.

I know these are more likely to be predictive text or second language errors but I love them anyway.

I thank them.