Mask boozing

I’m still chuntering on about masks. If you’re going to wear one, wear it right, covering mouth and nose. No, it’s not an either or choice chaps.

Coming home on the bus yesterday there were two blokes wearing mask beards, or beard masks, whatever, drinking cans of beer. Leaving aside the issues surrounding being so desperate for a drink you have to crack a can on the bus, the subject of eating and drinking while wearing a face covering is an interesting one. What to do if you need to imbibe in a compulsory mask wearing situation?

It put me in mind of a woman I met at a wedding one time, many years ago.

Saucy and I were seated at a table with an American woman and her husband. I’m going to call this couple Mr and Mrs AD. Mr AD wore an eye patch, and whenever people referred to him, and many did, curious to know how he was but not wanting to ask the man himself, they unconsciously covered one eye. Mrs AD wore a pill box hat with a double face net that came below her chin. They left both Saucy and I near speechless. They chatted away, entertaining and horrifying us. When conversational responses were required I managed, Really? Oh! Nice. There’s a chance that my responses weren’t always appropriate to the topic or true to my feelings. My eyebrows expressed their own views, hovering mainly between my mid forehead and my hairline, carefully avoiding the frown option. This was a customer’s wedding after all.

Mr AD was a Californian, ex hippy, ex surfer, Jewish ex beach bum, now a businessman and international arms dealer.

Oh! really?

Mrs AD loved to travel with her husband on business and buy antiques, treasures that they had no space for, but what else is there to do when you’re abroad? They’d cut their son off financially because he refused to get a job, so he lived off women.

In much the same, unashamed tone that her husband announced his business interests, she named her son a gigilo.

All of which is by the by, Saucy and I were mesmerised throughout these revelations by Mrs AD’s handing of food and booze. She managed to eat and drink all that was on offer, up and under her face encompassing hat nets. It was undeniably odd, but impressive all the same.

If she’s still alive perhaps she could do a YouTube video entitled, How to eat and drink up under a mask, while barely breaking the seal, minimising the risk of spreading infection.

How we’d get public transport using, lager quaffers, to view it, take note, and implement the technique, are other matters altogether.