Rules don’t apply

The rules don’t apply if you are us, says UK government. Followed rapidly by back tracking actions direct from, The Scammers School of Getting Out of Trouble When You Get Caught Red Handed.

Pilot scheme, my arse.

A colleague suggested there is probably a grant available for such a thing. For a pilot scheme? I asked, or my arse? His advice was to put in two applications and see which one succeeded. Hot tip.

Other friends are finding it difficult to find sufficiently damming expletives or insults to express their dissatisfaction with this, shit doesn’t stick, ruling party.

In a spirit of helpfulness I’m attaching, in sketch form, the Fat Tart insult builder. It’s a super flexible method of finding an insult when rendered speechless by outrageous behaviours.

One item from each column is a base line, but multiples from each column also work, as does missing out one or more categories. Adding your own options for individuality is encouraged. Column one specifically lends itself to the use of multiples. Once you gain confidence with the system, mixing the order of columns may add further depth of offence. Please note some items appear in both columns one and three for ease of use.

I advise saying the insults aloud to check flow and effectiveness.

This is a work in progress, stop by regularly for updates and feel free to add suggestions in comments.

Here are a few examples of insults created using the system:

Tory twunk bandit

Immature lefty blubber fucker

Fusty gunt mangle

Shrunken bum monger

Humourless festering disappointment

You’ll get the hang of it in no time. Enjoy.