In da club

Not any sort of club 50 Cent has ever been to. Not a club he’d be admitted to. Although, probably and most importantly, not a club he’d ever want to join.

Frenchie, Goodly and I have formed our own diet club and the membership list is now closed. We might consider new members in the future in exceptional circumstances, if we could be bothered. If those potential members had also tried every diet, and were likewise happy to chat about bowel actions and recipes in the same conversation.

Weight control, we all realise, much like cleaning, needs constant attention. Yet again our bedroom needs a serious deep clean and yet again my arse also needs sorting out. To be clear my arse doesn’t need cleaning, but rather trimming down if all of last years new summer shirt dresses are to look their best.

As I’ve said before, all diets work while you’re doing them, it’s the required maintenance that’s difficult for us, so here we are giving it a go, again.

One week in and Frenchie is the star member of our club having lost a kilo.

Whatever that is.

Goodly had a delayed start due to work/holiday plans. I dieted but didn’t weigh. I know, what is the point of that? Our fancy schmancy scales needed new batteries. I was unable to work out how to get them out to see which of the multitude of coin type batteries they were exactly. Eventually I bought new scales, the old fashioned mechanical type, cheaper than new batteries would have been I believe.

Surprisingly, according to this new weighing machine, if it can be believed, I’m not as porky as I thought I might be, weighing in at only a few pounds heavier that at the start of the first lockdown.

Amazing.

I am aware that I need to have plenty of low sugar, non bread, non pastry nibbles available at all times. If they’re not at hand I will eat sugary, bready, pastry type articles. With this in mind I bought cornflakes with no added anything from the health food shop. When they’re finished, I’m going to tear the box up into 1cm pieces and eat those, I anticipate that they will be as tasty and nutritionally valuable as the box’s former contents.

Meanwhile, if you’re wondering about ongoing weather news, it’s hot, it’s spring, it’s almost summery, it’s a bit chilly, the wind is icy, it’s so warm the church yard is overcrowded at lunchtime, we need the heating on. I hope that helps clarify the state of the atmosphere for you all.