Fat Tart has a glam plan

Recently I have actually liked the aesthetic of outsize clothes although getting an outsize fit when you’ve got an actual outsize body is less easy than slim readers might appreciate. A loose fit may hide some extra but it doesn’t really fool anyone. If you’re big, you’ll look big, no amount of ‘loose’ or ‘black’ will effectively deny it. This fact of fat has been brought home to me this last week as some people have managed to notice that I’m losing weight through the bagginess. WTF? I am grateful that they haven’t mentioned the upward weight gains so freely.

I am seeing small changes in myself due to my weight loss, my right ankle is much slimmer, the left ankle was injured in a sewing accident, yes, a sewing accident, and will probably always be misshapen. There is a bit of space in my favourite bra. The baggy bra distresses me, it’s a very lovely bra and I get unreasonably attached to some items of clothing. I believe that clothes have personality. Personality that goes beyond the wearer, the designer, fabric choices or the input of the maker. Don’t we all have items of clothes that we love for no apparent reason? Or don’t wear even though they were expensive and beautiful? Let’s be clear that on a reasonable level I know that this is rubbish, but still, there it is. This ‘belief’ doesn’t impact on anyone else and I’m not putting it forward as the basis for a belief system for all, so I don’t feel obliged to get a grip, if that, Dear Reader, is what you are thinking.

I wonder what other things I might miss about being fat. There is a degree of certainty in being fat;

1. Would you like fish and chips? Yes I would. Thank you very much. 2. Do I look fat in this? Yes you do. 3. Fat evens me out size wise, clothes shopping is much easier. 4. I can effectively move massive tables with the sheer weight of me, even wearing high heels, that would under normal circumstances take four people in overalls to shift. I like that, I feel strong although I’m probably just heavy (and/or very angry, the day I famously shifted half a dozen enormous tables on my own I was outraged. Outraged that I had been denied help to move said tables for an official exhibition, I sent emails in capitals, left messages in clipped tones and decided that I would not have my endeavours thwarted, I Fat Tart, would shift the fuckers myself! I had shifted half a dozen before any other staff arrived. When the men in overalls eventually turned up in response to my emails and phone calls, essentially to save me from a health and safety debacle, they were open mouthed, horrified and most satisfyingly, impressed. That morning I became a legend.)

I digressed, sorry. So, things to look forward to about being thinner. Number One of course is breathing more easily. Beyond that the advantages are all clothing based as far as I can see. I’ve tried all of my clothes on size 14 and size 10 dress forms and they look good and could be belted so I wont be desperate for clothes, and of course, I have some smaller clothes that I haven’t been able to part with due to unreasonable clothes attachment syndrome. I have long hair at the moment (my profile pic is out of date) and I’m thinking that my two stone weight loss treat is going to be having my hair cut like Margot Channing in All About Eve, I’ve arranged this already and I have heated rollers standing by. Next I intend getting her entire wardrobe reproduced, you can get fabulous fake fur these days.

Fasten your safety belts, Fat Tart’s going all Hollywood!