I need a bag full of ITRW emoji. We went out Saturday night, out of London out. We traveled to the arse end of nowhere or near Woking if you’d like to put a name to it. A friend of Cornflake was celebrating his birthday. The venue was a working men’s club sort of situation, … Continue reading Real world emoji for when your own facial expressions just aren’t enough
A week is a long time in politics they say and this week that is doubly or even trebly true. At the start of this week I’d given up arguing intelligently about the nature of democracy and the discussion that makes Parliament central to the democratic process. Parliament shut down FFS. I nearly spontaneously combusted. … Continue reading Political crap
i wrote this last week: I've had trouble concentrating at work today. I have loads to do, forward planning, briefs to write, schedules and other work that is needed right now. I’m really distracted by the rantings of sledgehammer brexitards and our current political situation generally. I really shouldn’t go near the internet at the … Continue reading Chez Marmalade
How time flies. I’m feeling nostalgic. We spent time last weekend with friends I don’t see often. I think of them as the Pineapple girls although we're all middle aged women now and they are both mothers to young adults. I'm the oldest but was never the most sensible. Sadly I'm rarely ever the most … Continue reading Time please
I saw my friend Toast this week. Toast chose her name because she’s toast, that is she has a terminal cancer. Thus far she has refused to die of it and instead is living with it against all predictions. Long may this continue to be the case. Toast is also a fashion professional. We talk … Continue reading Was that Karl Lagerfeld drinking lager in a field?
We are living through strange and dangerous political times. Perhaps we’ll all wake up and realise it was a shared dream. A meshing scenario, written by comedians and produced by an as yet unproven production company founded by a Bristol Art School drop out. How else can you explain an American president who lost the … Continue reading A blast of putrid air and a dick
I am still losing weight but so slowly now that I’m bored by the scales and I imagine that they, in return are bored by me. I’m apparently unable to diet properly although I am constantly expecting to do a big push soon, tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow seems like a plan. I am, for the most … Continue reading The green dress trauma
Today had better not be the day I die. ( see post ‘shoes to die in’) My outfit is beyond camping ugly. Apparently when ugly items of clothes are combined the ugliness factor multiplies exponentially. I imagine there might be applicable mathematical theorems that cover this phenomenon. More than one ugly item can strip the … Continue reading The square root of ugly?
I’m working nearby Shepherd’s Bush Market. I love markets. I can’t think of one London market that I don’t like. One of my hot tips for living happily in London is to live by a street market. It doesn’t matter what sort, fruit and veg, flowers, antiques, bit of everything. Street shopping makes for a … Continue reading Dior on Dior
I'm awfully busy at the moment. When I get a minute to think, I think about my summer happy place. The park is my summer joy. The picture is of my favourite outside table at the cafe. However, if it’s really, really hot, my happy place shifts to the chilled foods aisle in Sainsbury's. I've … Continue reading All work and no play….
It’s a fabulous thing, but the English language can be awfully confusing. So many rules, so many broken rules, so many words that have multiple meanings, so many different ways to pronounce the same letter groups. I don’t know how Sean Bean bears it. I can’t speak for other languages obviously as I don’t speak … Continue reading Linguistics
It is hellishly hot in London. I wonder if the weather is making a political comment. Democracy is having another bad day. In light of the view that we get the government we deserve, I also wonder when I could possibly have been so bad as to deserve this shit show. I really can’t remember. … Continue reading London hell
What to eat, what to drink, what to wear, with added elements of where to do these things. I’ve just spent some time in Scotland with Knitty and that pretty much covers what we chat about. We also have practical sessions of eating and drinking, and extensive sessions of clothes shopping, in addition to trying … Continue reading What to eat, what to drink, what to wear?
I have a tendency to get obsessed with trivial things. Some obsessions are momentary, some have lasted almost a lifetime, most fade away leaving a faint trace. I like to think that this is a sign of my creativity but then we none of us like to think we might just be scatty. Earlier my … Continue reading Does my bum look big in this?
This should not be confused with my previous post entitled In Praise of Giant Knockers. There are certain attitudes to clothes that have sneaked up on me. The idea of comfort for instance. Comfort in clothes was previously not a deciding factor but now it’s almost top of my agenda. I’ve talked about comfortable shoes … Continue reading In praise of giant knickers
I’m getting ready for a do. I’m looking forward to dressing up. There was a time when almost everyday was a dress up day but I don’t enjoy it so much any more or I don’t have the inclination, or is it that I just don’t care? I can’t quite say. It’s why I have … Continue reading Shoes to die in
I made a couple of dresses one day last week, same dress, different colours, one for me, one for Knitty. I sent her photos of hers, grey, and a selfie of me in mine, pink, so she could get some idea of what it’s like. That colour’s great on you, she said. She's right, pink … Continue reading Pink, pink, makes the boys wink
Walking home last week I cheated a bit and took a path that doesn’t quite go to the summit of Primrose Hill. From this path I saw just a slice of the panoramic view on offer at the top, the city, beautifully framed, it made my day. Primrose Hill is not just famous for being … Continue reading And the view’s so nice
Trawling art galleries is my kind of exercise. Loads of steps to be had but unlikely to break a sweat. Loads to look at, loads to ponder, what’s not to love? Well since I brought it up, crowds, that’s what’s not to love. No matter, I am a bit selfish in that regard but obviously … Continue reading Tart to Tate
Cornflake and I were discussing how the quality and choice of cake available in cafes around London has improved enormously in recent years. We believe we are living through a golden age of sweet confections. However this is happening at precisely the same time as the quality of our politicians and political debate has taken … Continue reading Golden age for cake
The meeting I was late for was a whole day long, a day long meeting. One meeting, 7 hours. In fairness it couldn’t have been shorter due to the all encompassing nature of the agenda. It was the last team meeting this side of the summer recess. Given the option of a giant meeting or … Continue reading The meeting: Part 2. A box of chocolate biscuits with a Belgian chocolate chaser…please.
This post has no diet value at all, if that's what you're after. I learnt something one morning last week: I am considered very reliable, so much so that if I’m late for a meeting my colleagues fear that I’m lying near death or actually dead in a ditch. I’m quite proud of this but … Continue reading The meeting: Part 1. The late Fat Tart
There's a break in this dismal weather today. Don't let people tell you that ducks enjoy wet weather. The ducks in the park don't. The picture isn't of duck bedtime, it was midday, those ducks are depressed.
Without the new ugly coat, sorry, the ugly coat I’ve borrowed from a kindly fat man, I wouldn’t have been able to do my steps this last week or so. I could drive to the gym to use a machine I suppose, but I don’t know about that. I feel like I’m on a camping … Continue reading Compfing with Fenchie
It’s a year ago tomorrow that I started this weight loss/keep fit shenanigans. It’s been a slower process than I anticipated. The plan was 4 stone off in a year, it’s two and a smidge, I don’t mind, it’s a life long project. Anyhow, diet thoughts aside for today, Cornflake and I had an orange … Continue reading Happy blogday!
Last Saturday was the queens official birthday, trooping of the colour. It's the one day a year that I am not in favour of a republic. So much so, that during the airforce fly past I’m not only glad to have a royal family, I would like to be the queen. I’ve seen the film … Continue reading My majesty
I’d like to start by saying what surprisingly, unseasonably, cold, wet weather we’re currently experiencing, but that would be nonsense. It may be cold and wet and June but this is England. Half the Junes I’ve ever known have probably been at least this grim at least in part. What have seasons got to do … Continue reading June
I’m in pain, at home with my left leg elevated. I fell over. I had not been drinking and was not wearing ridiculous shoes, they’re Clark’s FFS! A sunny day on Lower Sloane Street on route to a fashion show. Tres chic indeed ...until you go arse over tit. The strange thing about falls I … Continue reading Tread carefully…
It has finally come to pass, I have managed to break that two stone weight loss barrier. Rather delayed but very welcome all the same. I’m not sure if this is the result of my renewed sugar embargo or all this damned walking so I’d best keep both going. Due to my recent Scrubbit work … Continue reading Celebration time
I’m just in from a very uneventful walk in the park, it was lovely and peaceful. It was what you’d expect from a walk in the park. It was the walk in the park that people refer to when implying that something was simple and enjoyable. Children seemed happy, parents content, couples looked loving, there … Continue reading The wrong way
I’ve recently read a couple of keep fit articles that advocate morning exercise. Exercise on an empty or a fasting stomach is really efficient with regards to weight loss apparently. Ok, I can buy into that. The idea put forward frequently and by many that morning exercise invigorates you for the rest of the day, … Continue reading The grand old Duke of York
I can’t be held responsible for what my face says. I read that on facebook. I suppose those cards with inane sayings are popular for the dull truths they tell. That one is definitely true of me and the relationship I have with my face. I try, I really do try to keep it under … Continue reading What my face says
My arse and inner thighs are really painful. I’m suffering after a Scrubbit workout. Scrubbit is a workout advocated by a colleague, let’s call her The Mane Tart, Mane is the mother of two young children and finds that Scrubbit is the only workout she has time for. It’s a bit of a movement amongst … Continue reading Scrubbit
Part 1. Perfect timing The diet isn’t happening at the moment, I'm not even managing to eschew sugar, however my walking regime is going very well. I am stepping fabulously, and although this isn’t translating into weight loss, yet, I’m definitely firmer. Mostly I walk on my own at the minute as Cornflake has Plantar … Continue reading The London walking trilogy
I was chatting with a couple of friends a short while back and they both sited childbearing as being partly the cause of their less trim than they used to be bodies. I don’t have that excuse. Cornflake and I don’t have children. There are upsides to being child free to compensate for childless status … Continue reading Child free
I’m back from Frenchie’s. Factor 30 and shaded beach time was the plan. Already (fake) tanned, new swimsuit with spectacular bust control, honestly, it's a revelation, and pretty much two stone lighter than last summer. I was going to be beach fabulous. Or not. The main undoing of my sophisticated beach plan was that the … Continue reading Un sun kissed
We are all aware of the dangers of sunbathing and the negative long term effects that sun exposure has on skin; it ages it by depleting collagen, speeding wrinkles, leaving possibly charming freckles and always unattractive liver spots. It can damage your eyes and is apparently responsible for 80% of skin cancers. A nice healthy … Continue reading Sun kissed
To keep you updated: 1. The fat ugly cat is back. It’s more cautious than previously and a bit pissed off, I fear that some shitty somebody has been unkind to it. I gave it extra fuss. 2. I still haven’t reached the two stone, January weight loss target but I haven’t gained any and … Continue reading Catch up
Everything is all about age at the moment in house Tart as my birthday this year involves a zero. If you live long enough you have to face the fact that you are too old to die young...... and leave a good looking corpse. I'd like to say that I don’t worry about what I … Continue reading Smoke and mirrors
The week before last was the anniversary of our Mum’s death. Frenchie and I like to be together to mark the day but it wasn’t possible this year. We nursed mum in the last weeks of her life, with support from carers, the district nurse team and the doctor. You might imagine that it was … Continue reading A bottle of Baileys and three pairs of shoes
I can’t really write a diary type blog without mentioning Game Of Thrones today. The last series starts tonight, 9pm in the USA, 2am here and I’m planning to stay up and watch. I don’t think I’d be able to sleep knowing that it was ‘out there’ without me. Yes, you are right, it’s a … Continue reading Undeniably obsessive
At the end of my street there’s a fat ugly cat that just hangs out, but it’s missing, I’ve not seen it for weeks. I hope it’s snuggled in front of a fire on a plump cushion wondering if the Fat Tart who fusses him regularly is missing him and feeling a little guilty that … Continue reading Where’s the fat cat?
I’ve never mentioned what I do for a living. My work is focussed in and around the fashion industry. I can’t remember if I always loved clothes and therefore ended up in fashion or if working in fashion spawned my passion. Chicken and egg, rare breed chicken and Faberge egg obviously. Probably a bit of … Continue reading Fashion darling
I was chatting to a male colleague last week, he works on the security team, I’ll call him Mr Door. We started talking Fitbits. His wife also follows the commands of her Fitbit religiously and through this little common ground we had a chat, not work related, our first. Mr Door believes that, in part … Continue reading Old dog
I get a lot of my current affairs information from comedy shows, not necessarily because they are funnier than news programs. All news has satirical undertones these days. Politicians and newsreaders want all the laughs it seems, leaving little room for pesky comedians to get in on the act. No, I watch satirical comedy as … Continue reading Involuntarily……..
Lately too many people who should know better have presented me with images of faces that belong in a Drag Race and described the look as natural. Take it from one who knows, the contouring makeup beloved of drag queens old and young, and of course the Kardashian family, may be many things but natural … Continue reading To be Divine
I’m suffering an existential crisis. My Fitbit has died! WTF? What is the point? Don’t expect me to move until the new one arrives.
I need to renew my passport soon, well, within the next 20 months. It’s time to start thinking about the photo that will officially announce me and my intention to travel. In my experience this task should not be left to the last minute. There are of course arguments for and against a flattering photo. … Continue reading The ballad of Goodly’s passport
Spring has sprung in the Fat Tart/Cornflake household and we’re being very sociable. In the past week or so we’ve eaten out almost as much as at home. At home we’ve entertained resulting in a fridge full of fancy left overs, sweets, cheese and port. It’s not helpful on the diet front, my self control … Continue reading The size of things
A very windy walk in the park today, windy and rainy. Old wives would have us believe that March comes with winds and April with showers but I think Spring is heralded in by two months of shwindery weather, weather that is both windy and rainy and today also on the cold side. Cornflake wasn’t … Continue reading Wet and windy
I am currently worshipping at The Alter of the Golden Fitbit. My Fitbit gives my life structure, it shows me how to live, it gives me rules and promises a better future if only I do what I’m told. Praise it. Sometimes I lapse but now I am born again. My Fitbit is gold. Actually … Continue reading Church of The Golden Fitbit
A warm Spring Sunday transforms the park into a very noisy place. I’m not sure how many football pitches there are at the ‘active’ end of the park but they all seemed to be in use this morning. “Get in there!” “Find your man!” “Go on, go!” are new phrases that I learnt today, I … Continue reading Park Tart
This morning I thought I’d go for a walk pre working from home. It’s amazing what a dull English winter day can offer in a Royal Park, especially one with giraffes. The walking time helps me to focus, break the sofa charm and put me into work mode. A walk in the park is a … Continue reading A walk in the park
Dear Reader, you may have been wondering where I’ve been. I have taken an extended break from almost all things, I’ve been practising being a lazy tart and it seems that I have a distinct talent for it. My fitbit believed that I died a couple of months ago. I like to think that it … Continue reading Is it Spring yet?
I’m non specifically bad tempered again at the moment. Unreasonably pissed off. You could say, out of sorts. I’m even annoyed that some of my clothes are too big for me now. You’d think I’d be delighted what with me being on a diet and all that, but it just seems like an inconvenience. I … Continue reading A bad language diet
Flowers in the post! Nice idea Note to self: pick up undelivered post promptly, really promptly.
My skin is pretty good for a woman of my age. I hate that phrase and all the others that begin or end with; ‘well at your age....’ ‘ when you get to your age...’ ‘as you get older...’ ‘after a certain age you can/can’t expect....’ but, yes, my skin is pretty good for an … Continue reading A price you pay…
I’d rather not use the C word in November but I feel I need some extra diet focus on the run up to Christmas, there I said it, Christmas. I’m 21 lbs down, I’m aiming for 28 by New Year so I’m going to try to be a more effective dieter. Plus I’d like to … Continue reading I’m dreaming of a Xmas pudding
Last week I finally got around to celebrating my birthday. Thank you to all who joined me in a week of theatrical events, eating, and drinking. (A special thank you to those of you who lit bonfires and set off fireworks ) Amongst my indulgences was a gingerbread man. I was slightly put off when … Continue reading Separated at birth
I’m at home this morning waiting in for pest control. We have a mouse. I say we have a mouse but they are sociable creatures so it’s unlikely that it’s come alone. We live in an old terrace, and if one person in the street has a mouse then potentially everybody in the street has … Continue reading Vermin
I’ve lost 20 pounds, 20 effing pounds! That’s more than a third of the way to my 56 pound goal. Weight coming off at just over 1 pound a week. I’m delighted, excited, diet invigorated and full of wonder that I’m still so damned fat. However, I had an appointment with the nurse at my … Continue reading I’m feeling a bit Mary Poppins
Our father used to say that an advantage of her large bust was that Frenchie would never damage her face in a fall. Rude you may think, but as it turns out, not wrong. Frenchie took a tumble during a run recently. Bloodied hands. Gravelly knees. Dusty, scuffed tits ........Face unmarked. Plate rest and face … Continue reading In praise of giant knockers
I usually read my posts to Cornflake before I publish. There are two things he often wants to add; 1. He loves me any size....bless him. 2. When am I going to mention the happy food dance? I’m the only person he knows who dances with joy when they eat. I also hum. I’m not … Continue reading The happy food dance
How many pasties are too many? Slim people eat chocolate and chips, not necessarily at the same time or on the same plate. It’s true, I’ve seen them do it. It’s just that they don’t eat chocolate and chips and deep fried Brie every meal time everyday. I’m trying to adopt ‘a slim head’, a … Continue reading Extreme moderation.
I’m currently working a 6/7 day week but by the end of October my life will be more leisurely again. It’s the nature of freelance work, I’m not complaining, head down when the work is there, enjoy the time when it’s not. That isn’t the sad story. It’s my birthday tomorrow and I will be … Continue reading The saddest story
My next post will probably be entitled 'excuses excuses'. Holidays then work kicking in with new levels of aaaarrrrghh and there I am, gone. No time to chat, or indeed 'ramble on' as Goodly would have it. The headline is......ONE STONE DOWN! Here's to the next one (or three.....FGS)
I’m still waiting for the lovely more tranquil me to arrive, she’s been held up apparently. She’s probably interceding on the side of reason in a checkout debacle somewhere. So, another 1.5 lbs down. Weeks ago I prepared a picture of an ecstatic me, ready to post it on the occasion of my first stone … Continue reading Eat food
This is a picture of Frenchie and me You've probably guessed that isn't a hold-all we're carrying We only had the one pasty but it was enormous
You may have been wondering where I’ve been. I've been sistering with Frenchie in the West Country and we had a hoot. I’m still Dengry (diet angry) quite a lot of the time but Frenchie was quite happy to play along and we found unexpected levels of joy in ranting angrily then laughing at ourselves … Continue reading Summertime sistering
In case there's any confusion regarding my Hollywood glam plan. The look I'm aiming for is Bette Davis as Margot Channing Not Bette Davis as Baby Jane
I have the diet version of hangry, you know, hungry angry. I’m diet angry, dengry? Angriet? I’ve lost another 1 lb, 10.5 total, but I’m very irritated, dierated? I want mashed potatoes, lots of them, lots of sausages and a huge pond of onion gravy and sod the points, but no, I’m going to the … Continue reading Diet rage
Recently I have actually liked the aesthetic of outsize clothes although getting an outsize fit when you’ve got an actual outsize body is less easy than slim readers might appreciate. A loose fit may hide some extra but it doesn’t really fool anyone. If you’re big, you’ll look big, no amount of ‘loose’ or ‘black’ … Continue reading Fat Tart has a glam plan
This is Cherry Tart. Cherry loves twitter and persuaded me to get a twitter thing. Twitter changed my name to TheFatTart @TartFat. There are more fat tarts out there than I imagined.
Chapter 6 Weigh-in tonight and I’m down 2.5 pounds. This morning I thought it would be more but when I pre weigh-in weighed I was a bit worried I might not have lost at all. 9.5 down altogether, only 46.5 more to go, oh for goodness sake!! or, and this sounds much better, I’ve lost … Continue reading It’s a short road from overeater to feeder
That's a novel idea. Let's take a minute to consider the practicalities. Would you like a piece of cake? I'm going to have one, or two.
I know that I self medicate with carbs. Mashed potato is my drug of choice. Mash has seen me through the harshest stuff life has thrown my way. There are days in my working week, when I have to listen to a lot of project proposals and find kind and helpful feed back on them. … Continue reading The importance of being
There wasn't a meeting this week The group leader was on holiday I'm too lazy to go to a meeting more than five minutes away I weighed at home. I've been angelic Another 2 lbs down I think Wings and a halo don't weigh a thing it seems
Unlike most people I use a variety of pseudonyms. I'm not a drug dealer. My parents called me Ann.
My parents didn’t name me Fat Tart. I imagine that you’ve guessed that my friends and relatives weren’t always called Marmalade, Knitty and Goodly. I like to use a variety of pseudonyms. I’m not a drug dealer or otherwise trying to evade arrest or detection, I’m just not attached to my name at all and … Continue reading Fat, so what?
This post is by way of a catch up on topics already mentioned: I’m enjoying blogging. It’s still hard to say exactly why I’m doing it but just writing things down and sharing seems to clarify them. If I’m pontificating about dieting on a public forum, would I dare slip off this diet wagon? I … Continue reading Catch up
I really don't like the hot weather. I don't like direct sun. This is an actual picture of me on the beach. I love building sandcastles.
Shortly before my new food and exercise regime began, I was in my niece’s garden discussing the topic of diets. I doubt I need to clarify that the diets we were talking about over a hearty lunch were weight loss plans. Let’s call this niece GoodlyTart. I’m eight years older than Goodly but since she … Continue reading Diets; a personal reflection
No weigh-in last week due to my road trip, so my fourth trip to the scales was this evening. I wore my fat club outfit and I have lost one more pound. One pound in two weeks could be considered pathetic but it brings the total to half a stone in four weeks and that’s … Continue reading Half a stone and a sticker
My father, who had a very active job had a policy for down time; don’t stand if you can sit, don’t sit if you can lie down. He could make a pavement look as comfy as a feather bed and I learnt this lesson well. Some years ago, sitting on a bench, not standing, while … Continue reading My unholy trinity of weight gain
I'm heading off on a road trip next week. Travel broadens the mind they say. I love Paris But what does Moulin Rouge mean? ......and why is there a red windmill on the roof?
This is me with Marmalade Tart, she has no time for foods that take more calories to digest than they contain.
After much deliberation and a momentary lack of confidence I went to the gym last night in the ultimate low vis outfit, or what some might describe as a full ninja ensemble, black from neck to toe. During my first gym session in fourteen years I learnt three things, truths you might say: 1) Comparatively … Continue reading Three truths
I had my second weigh in tonight and I’m another two pounds down. I’m delighted as I really wasn’t sure I would be. Last night I did debate which weight outfit was most helpful to me. I decided I wasn’t confident enough to go heavy weight but I didn’t think I needed to go braless … Continue reading On buying gym kit
My late father once said, ‘Fat Tart, you’d laugh if your granny’s ass was on fire’. I have to admit that the thought did make me titter, but take it from me, had my granny’s ass actually have been on fire I would have done my best to extinguish it, although I couldn’t guarantee that … Continue reading Under bust crumbage
Use more calories that you consume, ok. Eat less and exercise more, yep, got that. So why is it so damn difficult to lose weight? I don’t have the answer obviously, that was a genuine desperate question. I’m hoping that I have the right attitude for my name to become ironic rather than descriptive, sooner … Continue reading Dieting is simple but it isn’t easy
The woman top right is carrying a clutch bag, not a pasty.
I'm not sure you want to know this, and I'm pretty sure this isn't diet related but since I'm now 'sharing' in ways hitherto unknown, I find I can't stop myself and the World Cup is on, husband is watching avidly, so what else have I got to do? Overnight a tender area developed on … Continue reading It’s enormous!
My husband had to leave for work at 5am today. He tries to be quiet but at that time in the morning even applying roll-on deodorant is loud. Try as I might I couldn't go back to sleep. I've categorised Fat Tart as a diet blog, so in a spirit of comraderie I thought I'd … Continue reading If weight loss is a journey, where am I going?
I had my first weigh-in this evening and the good news is I've lost 4 lbs, only 52 more to go. Anyhow, looking into that long dark tunnel with a pin point of light at the end of it aside, I've had a good day if a little odd to begin with. As a general … Continue reading Bras weigh more than you’d expect
That's a pasty, not a clutch bag in my left hand That's a sandwich, not a clutch bag in my right hand I'm wearing my favourite dress, it's an homage to Hattie Jaques I love red shoes, possibly more that pasties
I think it was Newton who said words to the effect that for every action there is an equal and oposite reaction. I apply this to what I 'know' about fat, it relieves me momentarily, on a level I know not to be true, of responsibility for my own weight gains. So here is my … Continue reading Fat transference; I’m pretty sure it’s a thing
Hello, my name is Fat Tart although no one except my sister has ever called me a fat tart, to my face at least. I might have named myself Fat Twat but I like the image Tart brings to mind, pastry, sugared fruit etc so Fat Tart it is. I've recently discovered that I'm running … Continue reading Hello
I would say that all of the time I've been fat I would have rather been thinner than fatter but I have, for the most part, found the idea of less food and more exercise less attractive than the fat.
fat tart 