I purposely left the summer element out of the title. Mid summer my arse. It’s hard for me to work up any enthusiasm when we’ve only had a couple of summer days so far. Does that mean there’s only a couple more to come? One thing you can rely on solstice wise, Stonehenge will always … Continue reading Happy Solstice →

Shiver my timbers. That old sea dog Captain Marmalade has been sending up dates on the state of the sea shanty festival down Falmouth way. To begin with I wasn’t trusting that the pirate element of this event was sufficiently represented. However, the last report sounded much more promising. More pirate crew, less male voice … Continue reading Avast ye scurvy dogs! →

This weekend in Falmouth there’s a sea shanty festival. To my mind that’s a Pirate festival. I would be disappointed if there weren’t plentiful eye parches, parrots, wooden legs, beards and pieces of eight in play. I won’t be there, but I’m hoping I might get updates from our woman in Falmouth. By way of … Continue reading Pirate →

I’ve had lots of lovely weekends away, these gorgeous fun times are not what has got me back chatting here after a very sketchy year for blogging on my part. Work has been leisurely and interesting, nothing to offer there. The weather has been predictably unpredictable, that is, mostly not great. The expected shenanigans of … Continue reading Love →

I’m suffering from a lack of focus. Today I experienced a poetic reflection of this existential crisis when I sat on a pair of wire rimmed reading glasses. I tried to twist them back into shape. I failed. Despite my best efforts they are no longer much use eye glasses wise. I could perhaps get … Continue reading Lack of focus →

More than ever, I have a very low opinion of the political machinations of our leaders and the billionaire owners of the British news media. I am politically depressed. Depressed because regardless of the spin, I can tell the difference between a fascist government and people with a specific set of religious beliefs. I know … Continue reading The state of things. →

Saturday Obviously if I’d started writing this yesterday the title would have been ‘today’s the day‘. I’m out of the habit of writing. I’ll get back in the swing but you’ll have to imagine the Tart gems that have been missed, never to recover. Yesterday was that day that many of the inhabitants of this … Continue reading Yesterday was the day →

Earlier today I completed a shit kit, known in some quarters as a ‘bowel cancer screening test kit’. I have been conflicted about in which column of the life accounting system I run in my head this activity belongs. I’d been of the opinion for some time that it was in the minus column, listed … Continue reading Pluses and minuses →

Nearly Spring blah blah. Knackered blah blah. I’m fully relocated. The city is behind me, I’m now happily set up between Primrose Hill and the Round House. It feels positively village like and it being so lovely has taken the sting out of leaving my beloved City of London. People in the streets around my … Continue reading Keep left →

January. Has anyone ever written an ode to January? I suspect not. Long, dull, dreary. You can add stressful and hysterical to this year’s January. Around the 2nd I was thinking that I didn’t much like 2024. With just one month’s notice the studio building has had to be vacated. I’m leaving the city and … Continue reading Knobtastic London no 4 →

…the end, swiftly followed by the beginning actually. I heard the fireworks that marked the new year from my bed. Cornflake was asleep already. A far too strong champagne cocktail sent us to bed before midnight. The Champagne and brandy combo snatched away any chance of getting our reluctant arses off the sofa and up … Continue reading The beginning and the end →

When I have a lot of time, holiday time, my morning bath gets extended. This extension allows me to watch a movie if I feel inclined. I am less discerning entertainment wise while soaking in the tub, but not completely without standards. The film doesn’t need to be “The Godfather,” it doesn’t even need to … Continue reading Wet entertainment →

The toilet seat broke A new one became top of our home improvement wish list, an emergency actually. I would like to have spent today slouching on the sofa. I might have liked to take some time to write about my numerous trips out, film, theatre, visiting, or maybe about the dinners I’ve cooked for … Continue reading Lavatory →

Due to the nature of Ken’s work, his professional associates and his friends, there has been a flow of fashion models passing through the studio recently. All have been gorgeous. One, let’s call her Barbie, is tall, slight but curvy. Barbie is Ken’s size medium. Em and I lolled. Em who buys size 10/12, realises … Continue reading Model citizens →

Deciding to leave the country for your birthday has celebratory consequences. None of them bad. Of the handful of people who wanted to celebrate with me, all have now done so. One at a time, treats and outings over the last 4 weeks or so. I’d recommend extending birth-days to birth-months wholeheartedly. The last of … Continue reading Real plastic →

Mandatorily mundane. It’s not that nothing happened this week, it’s just that most things that happened were mundane, but I’m going to tell you about it anyway. One morning I set off on an unfamiliar short walk to a never before visited destination. Ten minutes from Stratford tube they said. After 30 minutes following Madam … Continue reading Mundaneatory →

*Ken and his dog Cash are in the studio often. Ken is American. Em is also American, They may be overly influencing me. I struggle to say tomato correctly and I’ve been on the verge of saying ‘awesome’ a couple of times recently. *It was suggested at some point that I have little respect for … Continue reading Notes from the studio →

I do like classical ballet. Honestly I do, but I find it hard to see the point of en pointe. It hurts, it does damage, and those blocks make such an effing racket. It may be one of the reasons I prefer male ballet dancers parts. I know how that reads but you know what … Continue reading What’s the point? →

I’m fairly well back in my pre Covid swing theatre wise. Cinema not so much. I went to see Barbie of course. Didn’t everybody? I found that given the choice of Oppenheimer, a 3 hour movie about an American theoretical physicist, the "father of the atomic bomb" , or under 2 hours of pink nonsense … Continue reading Taste →

Wednesday Coming home tonight it was dark. This should be no surprise as the equinox is long passed, but somehow it is still a surprise to me. Every year. I wore a coat today, but shouldn’t have, the weather is so unseasonably hot. I wonder if the scientists have it wrong and climate wise our … Continue reading Tricky →

The end has definitely begun. . One of the artists at the studios laid a beautiful rug in his space. A wool kilim, it’s very lovely, or it was, once, sometime ago now. Unbeknown to all it must have arrived with a multitude of moth eggs. The artist went away for the summer. The artist … Continue reading Mothaggedon →

When Cornflake and I arrived home from our holiday we found that a pipe had burst in an upstairs flat and we were flooded. I’ve shrugged this off as an unavoidable part of London life, we’ve dried out already, so nothing to see here. Move along. Meanwhile Portuguese life threw a different kind of challenge … Continue reading Holy cow! →

We’ve been holidaying chez Frenchie and Mr P.. It’s surprising that we ever get away. I’m a nervous flier. I pack the day before travelling. I pack Cornflake’s stuff too, I can’t cope with 5.30am pre flight packing. I need to be early. Airport, breakfast, gate as soon as it’s announced. Cornflake likes to wander, … Continue reading Holiday →

I’m taking time out from visualising the inside of a big refrigerator to discuss the current weather. It’s a cruel fact that, as Ted Lasso quite rightly observed, air conditioning in Britain is a privilege, not a right. 32 degrees and 77% humidity in London. It’s hard for me to believe that it could be … Continue reading Total Sweat →

A long weekend away. An English summer holiday, just four days, rained every one of them. The hotel was ok. A couple in the next room shagged noisily, interrupting our tv time, but thankfully their love making was as quick as it was loud. Food was our main entertainment and managed a sliding scale between … Continue reading Holiday GB →

Taking the dog for a walk. Is that really what happens? Taking the dog for a walk suggests the dog owner is going for a walk and takes the dog along. How many dog owners would go out for a walk everyday, twice a day sometimes, if there was no dog involved? I think it’s … Continue reading Walk the dog →

Friday. The journey home. My one line weather report for this post reads, too effing wet. Since I complained about the overly hot weather, the british summer has been whispering under its breath ‘be careful what you wish for’ and smirking. It may have reached the laughing out loud stage. I’ve taken to carrying a … Continue reading Soggy →

I’m meeting Saucy for breakfast, has become a euphemism for, I’m going to spend cash on stuff that neither I nor anyone else needs. We meet on Golborne Road, usually on a Friday to catch the market. There’s a mix of tat and what I think of as, elevated tat. The sort that suggests, in … Continue reading Euphemism no 1 →

The weather has taken a turn for the better. That is to say, more to my taste, cooler, duller and damper. All that 30 degree nonsense has buggered off back to Spain and wherever. While the weather was still thinking about its overly hot behaviour I had a day out with a friend at a … Continue reading Mad hatter →

‘You actually look quite nice.’ A damning appraisal as some effort had gone into grooming that day, new dress too. It is true that the complimentee, me, may need to try harder if they wish to achieve a greater level praise. The complimenter definitely needs to put more effort in if an actual compliment is … Continue reading Damned with faint praise →

Pagans and druids really have some staying power, they don’t get or need much sleep this time of year. I fully support Jamie Lee Curtis with her call for pop/rock concerts to happen earlier in the day. We’re getting older, but still like the idea of going out. It’s just that night time is for … Continue reading Happy summer solstice 23 →

Too effing hot. I’m thinking of starting every post with a one line weather round up. For the next month they’ll all start, too effing hot. I might challenge myself to find other ways of saying it, but if the meteorologists can be believed it’s going to be approaching hot as hell for the reasonably … Continue reading Londinium weather report →

There was a news item today that nudged a memory to the fore, a recent but as yet un-noted event. A few weeks back Marmalade and I went to a show. Pre lockdown we went to the theatre lots and we’re easing our way back in. Some events are free to me due to Marmalade’s … Continue reading Splits, tits and tassels →

The third in my Phallic London series of drawings. Initially, obviously and mostly the subject of this picture was intended to be the building known as The Gherkin. As far as I can tell, the building doesn’t officially have a name, or wasn’t given one by either the architects who designed it or by the … Continue reading Knobtastic London no 3 →

Succinct, to the point, while outlining the ridiculousness of it all. If I had to put my feelings on the pomp into one sentence I’d have to say: Too many heavily armed people, not enough horses. Overall, I was mildly, not exactly disappointed, rather underwhelmed. By way of critical evaluation of heavily pomp loaded dos … Continue reading ‘Man in hat sits on chair’ Private Eye →

Charles, not always the luckiest of names for a king but here is a right Charlie about to get a new posh hat. King Charles the turd. I’m thoroughly underwhelmed by the prospect but I couldn’t consider myself any sort of a diarist without mentioning it. I feel a little guilty that I am unable … Continue reading King Charles the third my arse →

On a recent lunchtime trip to take photos of the Monument for this drawing, phallic London no2, or knobtastic London no2 if you’d prefer, I took advice that you can walk underground from Bank to Monument. It was raining or I wouldn’t have bothered, it’s a lovely history filled walk. In fact I walked there … Continue reading Oranges and Lemons →

If you believe Wikipedia, the architects Chamberlin, Powell and Bon, designed the Barbican. I think Wikipedia may have that wrong, and the Barbican was actually built using an Escher drawing as the plan. I have attempted to use the Barbican as a short cut several times recently but these have all turned out to be … Continue reading Escher’s finest work →

It’s amazing the disruption a tiny aging rock star with a guitar and his also famous band mate can create. Bono and the Edge brought traffic to a near standstill on Camden parkway one evening this week. It was right by the pub Cornflake and I were eating in. It was an odd sort of … Continue reading A good evening to you as well →

Some time ago I was given an old doctors desk. It was in three pieces, two sets of drawers and a very wet and damaged desk top. It’s all been dried out, oiled, bees waxed, glued, and this week, I covered the top in leather. A half cow skin, complete with brand, made me keen … Continue reading In the zone →

I have been absent from here for a bit. This doesn’t mean I’ve not been being pissed off. No, rather it’s the case that I’ve been working lots. Plenty of things have irritated me but most of those things were minor infractions by strangers, mainly centering around public transport issues. Keep left ffs. Some irritants … Continue reading Easter weekend catch up etm →

I’m beyond irritated and feel the need to vent. It must be sad to be young, full of ambition but lacking any perceivable talent or direction. However, I’d appreciate it if such individuals would refrain from venting their dissatisfaction through the medium of graffiti on the studio toilet walls. When I reported the huge, whiny, … Continue reading Wannabes →

My obsession with ‘Slow Horses’ hasn’t fizzled out yet. Honestly I’ll be glad when it does. It’s taken me over. My life is not my own. Having watched the two series available, I’m now eagerly awaiting series three and four. These are in post production apparently. I’m a bit pissed off that I’ll have to … Continue reading I Spy →

It surprises me just how often I have my finger on the pulse of current affairs. This should read more along the lines of, it’s surprising how often I appear to have my finger on the pulse of current affairs. I’m more likely to trip over current affairs on Facebook than feel their pulse in … Continue reading Tomato gate →

Was it Thomas Aquinas who said ‘no good deed goes unpunished’? Or did he say the opposite? Or was it someone else? Whatever. Shortly before Xmas I dropped an ikea kallax 5 by 5 shelving unit on my middle finger, right hand. When showing it to people, I looked like I was being rude. Having … Continue reading No good deed goes unpunished →

The Burberry Macintosh. It survived Colombo, but can its high fashion credentials get past Jackson Lamb? Of course. However, new depths have been reached, way lower than Colombo’s crumpled mac, way way lower. Although stylistically reminiscent of the apparently bumbling detective rain coat wise, Lamb is filthy. I never smelt Colombo, but I can smell … Continue reading To mock a Macintosh →

Sunday was the 32nd anniversary of our first date. I am now more than twice the age I was when Cornflake and I met. We celebrated with a Sunday lunch out. It was very nice. The matter of our age didn’t really pop up in general chitchat. Wether or not to have the cheese platter … Continue reading Highway to hell →

Xmas spirit. One word. Two syllables……… Baileys Cornflake has developed a taste for it, he pours it by the wine glass On the plane journey to spend Xmas at the Frenchie residence I thought I’d buy him one as a treat for when he woke from a nap. When I saw the size of the … Continue reading A pint of Xmas spirit →

Not the existentialist drama you may be expecting, although surrounded by artists as I am, there’s always a chance that an element of angst might creep in. One evening last week BelVita and I were driven home by way of an unfamiliar route. Often we had no idea where we were. London, yes, east heading … Continue reading Directionless →

Hectic, apologies for absence It snowed last week. At least momentarily everyone loves snow. It’s so pretty, evoking thoughts of romanticised Xmases past. I appreciated all those snowy garden photos posted by everyone on social media. Outside our place someone, perhaps someone I know, built an obscene snow feature on my car. Charming as those … Continue reading It’s beginning to feel a lot like Xmas →

Cornflake and I had a day out today. A Friday holiday to eat out and mooch about has become a regular event. We call these sneaky days off, good Fridays. Last week we were at Tate Modern for a bit of Cezanne, today we went to Tate Britain. We saw a lot of what was … Continue reading Art imitating life →

So the Lettuce tea towel is now available to purchase at fattartproducts. 100% cotton twill, this beautiful, premium quality tea towel is the perfect gift for the Tory friend or relative that you don’t like anymore. Political comment via the medium of tea towels is all the rage here in the fattart studio. Just £19.80, … Continue reading Marketing exercise no 1 →

I don’t know who the genius was who debated that, Liz what idiots voted her in Truss, would not hang on to her job for as long as a lettuce stays fresh, but they were right. This news gave me the opportunity to draw a lettuce. It also made me think…. The most diverse government … Continue reading ….and the winner is →

Etsy shop wise, the tart’s bar is open. As I expect you’d guess, the tart can’t just sell a tea towel with a picture on it. Oh no, she feels the need to comment…(link and discount code at the bottom) Pina Colada The perfect drink for those folks who are tired of their partners and … Continue reading The Tart’s Bar, do you love pina colada? →

Long ago I mentioned that I planned to write the zodiac tart style. It’s done, ready to launch the Mystic Tart Tea Towel collection. I am aware that reads peculiarly but it’s true, I’m opening an on-line printed things shop. I’m starting with fancy cloths to dry your dishes with. I’ll send you all a … Continue reading Mystic Tart tea towels, yes really →

It didn’t rain constantly during my visit, and although my last post might have suggested that we stayed in watching tv all of the time, we didn’t. We knew it was time to step away from The Spanish Princess when Frenchie started to insist on being called, My Lady Sister. In fact there wasn’t one … Continue reading Portugal part 2… or comparison is the thief of joy? →

I flew to Portugal at the beginning of the month to see the Frenchie household, in the actual flesh, in their new residence, in a totally different location than my last pre covid visit. I say I flew but what I actually did was shopped, ate and drank my way to Portugal, on a plane. … Continue reading The Portugal trip…part 1 →

The queen’s funeral is done and dusted. A very old rich lady who loved horses and her dogs died, but I must admit it was a bit of a shocker. Always present in the background, perhaps collectively people thought she would always be there. After the last ten days of tedious media coverage I for … Continue reading Elizabeth R →

The johnson has bowed out. He says he’s proud of what he has achieved. I wonder if he is using irony to convey his contempt for us all, or was he being just plain sarcastic, or is he simply common or garden deluded? Perhaps he always wanted to swing a metaphorical wrecking ball at the … Continue reading Wrecking ball →

Admirably, Cornflake fights an overriding sensation that arguments are personal attacks, and endeavours to always respond to criticism/questions in an intelligent and reasonable manner that belies this feeling. Me not so much. In truth, in the flesh I am mostly polite, but this only works for me because internally I’m calling my opponents ‘jugs of … Continue reading Etm →

I’ve lost several possessions of varying belovedness due to leaving them on buses. I’ve not had luck in getting items returned for many years, it’s sad and frustrating. A sign of the times perhaps. Somewhere in the TfL lost and found alternative dimension there should be several umbrellas of mine, a minimum of two purses … Continue reading Lost and found →

There’s been a lot of life going on in the Tart Cornflake household recently. I’m easing myself into a more relaxed attitude to modern living. I saw a headline today that replaces ‘Mad Vlad goes Nuclear’ as a favourite. ‘PM turns up for meeting.’ It’s hard to believe those five words are news worthy, but … Continue reading Summer →

Understandably you may think I’m referring to the tory leadership scramble. Here we go again. The selection gets grimmer, dimmer and less impressive each time. This current lot are additionally sullied by close proximity to the johnson and they may never recover. My appetite for this scuffle, a match between mainly rich, unqualified eejits is … Continue reading Here we go again →

The johnson has at long last unlocked the handcuffs with which he had secured himself to a radiator in the dining room at number ten. There is a glimmer of light through the clouds of his self delusion, as he acknowledged that he has to leave…but not yet. Now we have the slow train wreck … Continue reading Good conscience…my arse →

The title may be making you think this epistle is going to be about cars. You, sadly, are thinking youthfully or like a bloke. I am talking about wheelie shoppers. Mine is worn out. Yes, that’s right, I’m onto my second wheelie shopper. I used it mostly for transporting heavy pattern cutting books and equipment. … Continue reading Wheels →

Friday evening Just in time for Pride, the spirits of the not dead Beyoncé and Britney Spears arrived in London. I had a rendezvous on Oxford Street, outside Bond Street tube station. Due to not specifying which of the Oxford Street entrances to Bond Street underground we should meet at, I had a good amount … Continue reading Brit and Bey →

This fashion hangover wasn’t a headache and lack of oomph brought on by an excess of fashion. Although there was a lot of it going around. There always is during GFW. A mix of stylish, fabulous, try hard and those of us who opt for low vis in such a way as to fit the … Continue reading Fashion hangover →

A day late, but happy summer solstice to you all. Here’s to our imminent descent into darkness. Obvious attitude issues aside, I’ve long suspected that I’d be a rubbish Pagan. All that outdoor activity for one thing, the prospect of disrupted sleep patterns for another I would have loved to celebrate the longest day fully, … Continue reading Happy day late summer solstice →

Not the stains on your soul like those that the johnson and his government have. No I’m thinking along the likes of baked bean stains. Not like the ones Anne Margaret had to get out of her white jumpsuit after a day of filming rolling about in a sea of beans for the movie Tommy. … Continue reading Stains →

I’m a member of the Tate again. I let my membership lapse after lockdown ended and you still couldn’t just rock up on a whim. You had to book with a time slot. Well alright, pandemic and all that, but I prefer a more spontaneous approach to my art viewing activities. I’ve gone the last … Continue reading Eye of the beholder →

A Sunday roast, that’s what I like. It’s a great way to end the week. Unless of course you’re Cornflake, who insists that Sunday is the beginning of the week, in which case, it’s an excellent start to the week. Whatever, we’ve been and done it and had champagne too. I needed it, this week … Continue reading What you want, when you want it →

Time to spare. It turns out that it’s difficult to spend all of these queenie bank holidays doing nothing, in the bath, in bed, laying about on the sofa, snoozing on Primrose Hill with Marmalade, or wandering the streets with Cornflake in search of a champagne cocktail, or some such. Actual day to day life … Continue reading Tomahto tomayto →

HRH has taken the concept of a job for life very seriously, I appreciate a person who loves their dogs and sparkly things. That’s it, about all this republican can find to say that’s positive about this knobtastic jubilee tripe. Anyhow, seeing as these celebrations are costing us an effing fortune, let’s take some time … Continue reading Jubbly →

5.30 yesterday afternoon an email arrived from the studio building administrators; Dear artists Hope you’re all well, we have a team of movers coming on site tomorrow to do a building-wide clear out of furniture, rubbish and items that have been dumped in communal hallways and other areas. If you have any items that aren’t … Continue reading This is art →

On a Sunday recently, in a galaxy not far away…. Cornflake and I have just got in from a roast dinner in a local pub. Very nice. A sunny Sunday evening in Primrose Hill, blue skies, families, couples and a few rowdy fashion types. Not particularly note worthy, but very nice. As we left, the … Continue reading Play that funky music →

Gossip. Some things you just don’t need to know. I’m thinking mainly about the intimate details of peoples lives, their bad habits, their sexual proclivities etc. B/C/D type celebs need to tell everyone everything apparently. If a person is serious about avoiding this shite, the internet needs to be approached with care, and eye contact … Continue reading Have you heard? →

Not any sort of club 50 Cent has ever been to. Not a club he’d be admitted to. Although, probably and most importantly, not a club he’d ever want to join. Frenchie, Goodly and I have formed our own diet club and the membership list is now closed. We might consider new members in the … Continue reading In da club →

The weather is supposed to take an upturn this coming weekend. I for one am mightily relieved. I got caught in a hail storm last week. It was vicious. The wind blew the rain and hail straight into my front, straight through my coat, my dress and my underwear. I had to strip off when … Continue reading Spring still trying to upload →

I enjoy my dreams, I enjoy the unexpected, I enjoy being able to fly, I like that sensation of steering the craziness, I love the visuals. Saucy and I used to tell our nighttime dream adventures daily, our work room neighbours, V and L, did the same. Our dreams never had a socially useful or … Continue reading I had a dream →

The johnson, our beleaguered prime pork haystack has reportedly been issued with twenty fixed penalty fines for infringing his own lockdown rules. I lol. I thought this news might get lost, what with a war, potential nuclear attack, and a couple of rich, famous people getting slappy at the Oscar’s. So I’m telling you, making … Continue reading Party on →

In addition to plentiful social action, recently there was a road trip. Marmalade is working in my studio more than I am at the moment, and my studio is becoming our studio. We work around each other well, with room to spare for guests around the gold table and GorJus wrapped up warm in my … Continue reading Automatic →

I’ve been out twice this last week, in the west end, in the actual evening, and on school nights. Is this my first pre covid type week for two years? I think it might be. Marmalade and I went to see BelVita give a talk about her art practice in a fancy Belgravia restaurant, she … Continue reading Nights out, day in, London love →

Saturday. That was a funny old week. The weather has been swinging between down right nasty, drizzle, cold, dull and bright, crisp and sunny, warm at times, differing day to day, sometimes changing throughout the day., sometimes through the hour, it feels like by the minute. It’s the sort of weather that announces annually that … Continue reading Spring →

Today at work I needed to know my passport number and it’s expiry date. My passport was at home. Surely I’d made note of this info somewhere, surely I’d taken a photo of it at least? Omg, surely it hasn’t expired, I haven’t looked at it for more than two years. I tell you this … Continue reading Life notes →

People, including myself, have been over optimistic about what this year might have to offer. I would have settled for a boring news year with a bit of foreign travel, a trip to see Frenchie, a meander around Paris or some such. Following 2020 and 2021, surely 2022 would be an improvement? Potential war. The … Continue reading The end →

March winds and April showers? February has decided to demonstrate how those months could max out their skills and get noticed. The wet and windy weather that traditionally heralds the coming of Spring is early this year, and super bad tempered. I have some sympathy. If I was wind, I doubt I’d be a gentle … Continue reading Wet, windy and bad tempered →

The big news this last week was that Primark, and Gregg’s are collaborating on a line of clothing. I am excited at the prospect of a steak bake dress. Frenchie however suggested that I would eat it by lunchtime. It’s hard to argue with her in light of my love for savoury pastry goods. Of … Continue reading Pasties →

This is of course refers to the 3rd century Roman saint Valentine celebrated on 14th February, not one of the many other St Valentines, whose saints days are spread across the year. Some sources say another eleven, some seven in total. Either way I would have recommend that any early Christian should avoid naming their … Continue reading Happy Valentine’s Day →

One morning last week before eight, a couple of police cars shot past our flat and stopped just beyond where we could see without pushing our faces right up against the window. Sirens and lights. Cornflake wondered what could be going on. It was too early for me to care, but when I left home … Continue reading Daytime drama →

I’m negative, which is a positive work wise. Now there’s a sentence that would have made no sense at all two years ago. Marmalade has the VID, Saucy is just recovering from it, and The Main, has two kids and a hubby playing covid relay. In response I’m testing daily, I tested twice yesterday. Part … Continue reading Positive negativity →

This last week I was delighted that one day I left work in day light, my spirits were lifted. A promise of Spring . For me everything is all about time at the moment, deadlines, tax returns, marking, brief writing, customers, and on and on. So much to do, so little time, so little inclination. … Continue reading Fuckoffruary →

Some time ago, on a Saturday night in Goody’s lounge, I invited a relative and his wife to have a pub lunch with us the next day. We were popping around to their place to collect another couple of relatives and I thought we could make it a sociable occasion. ‘Oh no, I don’t think … Continue reading I don’t think so →

We are apparently a nation divided. Europe v brexit, tory v everyone else, pro vax, anti vax, each topic raising blood pressures, threatening palpitations and headaches. Politics, morals, religion, freedoms, community, all divisive, opinions entrenched beyond discussion. There’s a school of thought amongst optimistic types that suggests, these differences are insignificant when compared with all … Continue reading Coco →

It’s one of life’s small joys that Knitty is often available for a chat early in the day. We can easily talk nonsense and family for the entire forty five minute journey to the university. Me in my car through the dashboard speaker which I still think is super modern, space age, fabulous magic, she … Continue reading Aging oil painting? →

It’s over. No, not the lying haystack’s premiereship, that’s still limping on, although how I don’t know. Xmas, Xmas is over, done and dusted, fabulous gifts given and received.  Cornflake and I barely left the house, the sofa that is, for ten days. Cornflake because he injured his back on Xmas morning putting on his … Continue reading It’s over →

I thought the studio deserved some Xmassyness this year so bought a 5ft plug-in, ready lit Xmas tree in Oxfam for £5. Bargain? Well no since you ask. As it turned out I was over charged by about £3.50. If I factored in the time I’ve spent to get that bastard presentable, it was in … Continue reading Mr Clinton →

All in all Sunday was a very nice day. Cornflake and I took a quick trip to the apple store for my Xmas gift and I can barely contain my excitement. Afterwards, a day after the event, Marmalade, GorJus and myself trotted up Primrose Hill to raise a glass, tin actually, to my Mum. If … Continue reading Happy winter solstice one and all. →

The government advice to work at home but go to parties has emptied the City of London. People must be partying in the suburbs. The streets are once again empty. Not my studio building though. It’s still a hive of arty and fashion activities. There have been a couple of exhibitions during the last week … Continue reading Sienna, have you found the frills? →

There was an iciness in the rain this morning when I went out to post a PCR test. A colleague has covid, so needs must. Luckily there’s an NHS priority post box at the end of our street. I feel the annual lure of hibernation. I curse the societal norms and work patterns that deny … Continue reading Hibernation please →

I haven’t produced or read peer reviewed academic studies on this topic, but I’d guess that a high proportion of people, other that celiacs, like a pasta bake, especially one with extra cheese, apart for vegans. Freshly prepared or prego with a ready made sauce, veggie or meaty, a treat for almost everyone. Well, before … Continue reading Pasta bake →

Everyone’s a critic. Yes, I am. Today’s offering is about food, but is unlikely to be useful in a diet context. There is little that I find more disappointing than poor food. Let’s take a moment to talk about, The Potato Dog. As a general introduction to this sorry tale I need to talk about … Continue reading Lunch →

I broke a finger nail today and it really pissed me off. My pissedoffitude has resettled just below the surface, ready to reappear in an instant. I wish it would piss off completely as it, in itself, is pissing me off. Uncertainty around potential Xmas travel plans has resulted in uncertain pre Xmas travel plans. … Continue reading The last time →

I find it difficult to believe that November is autumn. This disbelief is an annual event. Surely November must be winter? I would prefer it if everyone admitted that Autumn is a two month season, September, October and winter is four months long, November through February, occasionally extended into the early part of March. It … Continue reading Autumn? →

On a trip out of the studio to Robert Dyas one day last weekend there were three helicopters over head and riot police vans winding through traffic jams. I think it’s fair to say, something’s going on, I said A very English response to mayhem all around GorJus suggested. There have been multiple reasons to … Continue reading Judgement →

31st October It’s eleven on Sunday morning. I’ve had a bit of a lie in, a bath, and a rather nice breakfast. You’ve got to love that extra hour. I wouldn’t mind one every Sunday. Logistically difficult I admit. My plan would be to shorten Wednesday by an hour in order to facilitate the plan. … Continue reading Sunday extra →

My birthday has come and gone. I invited friends for drinks at my new studio. Drinks, not a party. Drinks not a party, so that guests wouldn’t expect disco dancing on a school night. Arrive at six, carriages at ten. M and I kicked off at five with dirty martinis, she didn’t last past seven … Continue reading Drinks, not a party →

You might not want to read this if you haven’t yet seen the movie, No Time to Die. I wouldn’t want to spoil it. You’ll love it. It’ll make you laugh, make you ooo, and you might want to take a hanky. You might be horrified. The women look great and are totally bad ass. … Continue reading Oh oh James →

I’m sure that younger me and my friends had ambitions that were less sleep and bowel movement centric, but mostly I can’t for the life of me remember what they might have been. During the past week GorJus has been anticipating a future return to her pre knee injury fitness levels, she misses punching people. … Continue reading To the future →

I’m decorating my newly expanded studio, this activity and my Scottish trip are the reasons I’ve been absent. What do you mean, you haven’t noticed? Whatever, here are some notes on recent events. The weather is fabulous. Late summer sunshine, all the brightness but with some of the heat removed. I’m loving it, the weather … Continue reading A decorators notes →

A couple of weekends ago GorJus needed a day out of London, she fancied the seaside for the anniversary of her father’s death, a day of calm remembrance and celebration that he’d lived. A Dad day. I set off to collect her for our road trip to Weston Super Mare at 7.45am. Those of you … Continue reading Day trip →

Didn’t win the lottery this week, disappointing. I haven’t had a minute to Tart recently due to work load. This present busy will be followed by, trip to Scotland busy, followed by studio expansion busy and hopefully, Frenchie visiting busy, before the usual busy kicks in mid September. I was discussing the imminent expansion plans … Continue reading Decor →

I’m advertisement irritated. Passive aggressive, beautiful, soft talking, simpering, celebs spouting so called empowering shite. What a croc. What she says about the gold plated face shaver: Be yourself Be flawless What she’s actually saying: Don’t be hairy or have any flaws. To be really clear all you women out there, don’t dare be hairy … Continue reading Power play →

The prime miscreant johnson was discussing the treatment of miscreants, his choice of word, on tv in the week. Cornflake saved the tv from an angry response from me by changing channel speedily. If I had smashed the tv with my iPad, due to overwhelming frustration, that would have been a disaster. An insult to … Continue reading Oo la la →

Futile is my word of the week. A word draped in lethargic misery, disappointment and despair. Yes, dear reader, that’s the tone for today’s offering from yours truly. Makeup application, futile. It slides off in the sweaty heat. This happens within seconds rather than minutes, but I slap it on still, hopeful, and yet deep … Continue reading The futility →

The rules don’t apply if you are us, says UK government. Followed rapidly by back tracking actions direct from, The Scammers School of Getting Out of Trouble When You Get Caught Red Handed. Pilot scheme, my arse. A colleague suggested there is probably a grant available for such a thing. For a pilot scheme? I … Continue reading Rules don’t apply →

I wanted to post this yesterday but it’s a day behind due to the time it took to draw a map for football. After the match Sunday night there was actual wailing in the street, grown men bawling, I’ve never heard the like of it. Footballs going Rome and it hurt those poor blokes deeply. … Continue reading Post match →

11th July. I’m writing this just before the football match tonight. At present, football isn’t home yet, it’s on the bus on its way over. Having been caught up in crowds of aggressive, chanting, non mask wearing, pissed, England supporters on the tube yesterday, I wonder they’ll be in any fit state for the game … Continue reading Ing ger land →

With all the sports on tv at the moment, I find myself disappearing daily down internet worm holes. The destinations are multivarious amusements to help me ignore the sporting. Amongst the animal rescue videos, the dogs do the funniest things films and pictures of cats sitting in cardboard boxes ignoring the plush cat beds beside … Continue reading Chinese laundry blues →

Life was simpler greetings wise during lockdown, don’t touch, keep your mask on. Pre COVID I had been a long term, one cheek kiss, greeter. Two cheeks was too much in my opinion, but I would if the greetee went that way. I’ve only got confused direction wise on a couple of occasions, resulting in … Continue reading Greetings →

I missed three buses on my walk to the bus stop, irritating. There’s a cafe next to the stop and I’ve been let off the diet leash this week, or it’s been slackened a bit at least. So a bacon roll on the go, I thought. At the counter I changed my mind, bubble and … Continue reading Goals →

I’ve got almost two weeks before my next deadlines, unless some effer slips a new one in, so I’m feeling a bit fancy free. Last night Cornflake and I had plans for a cocktail, and I had plans for a dessert, out, after dinner at home. We are unsure why, possibly COVID times related, possibly … Continue reading The truth of it →

Friday After a lengthy morning meeting, and before doing any actual work, GorJus and I took a quick trip to Tate Modern. Being a member of The Tate hasn’t been terribly cost effective this past year. Going forward, in an effort to get my money’s worth, I’ve decided I’m going to every exhibition, twice, and … Continue reading For the love of giraffes →

Cornflake is currently spending quite a lot of his free time down a YouTube wormhole. He has become increasingly concerned about shark attacks, the size of sharks and people’s lack of care around sharks. Miles from land, the other side of the world. Me, I’m not so worried. I’ll take the threat of a shark … Continue reading Jaws →

When I was young, my family lived, not exactly in fear, but definitely in a state of mild trepidation, that some unsuspecting person would mention something that sent our Dad down Memory Lane, wandering through his timber hauling years, the war and a deprived but eventful childhood. He could joyfully tell a story a million … Continue reading Memory Lane →

Of course my preferred line would be, Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango? But that would make no sense at all, if it ever did. In rubbish weather girl mode, I can tell you that the weather yesterday was awful. Spectacularly so, I’m not even moaning, it was so dramatic. Purple grey storm clouds … Continue reading Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me →

Ahead of being allowed to eat out, inside, a questionable start to a sentence if ever there was one, Cornflake and I are just back from eating out, literally, in the street. We are relieved that one of our favourite breakfast venues has survived, and grateful that when it rained we were among the lucky … Continue reading Eating out →

I’m just in from casting my vote in the local and mayoral elections. I don’t hold much hope. Considering my voting history, perhaps if I started voting Tory, they’d lose more often. It’s a thought, not an actual plan. On the way to the polling station, which is conveniently at the end of my street, … Continue reading Zombie drag race horror →

If the johnson is got rid of for dissing the beloved John Lewis, I will consider it just and fair. It’ll be like Al Capone being brought down not by his murderous, and other violent criminal proclivities, but by his tax avoiding shenanigans. I am mindful that all candidates for BJ’s current position are likewise … Continue reading Cash for curtains →

It was suggested recently that I'm not normal. I do not have my finger on the pulse of the nation apparently. The conversational topic that resulted in this revelation was the death of Prince Philip. To clarify, these are my thoughts on the death of a very old, rich man; I’m a republican, not a … Continue reading Public opinion →

People, people everywhere. More people, more nutters obviously, lockdown has not improved folks temperaments, oh no Having moved in during the pandemic, it’s busier around the studio than I’ve ever known it, it’ll take a bit of getting used to. The over dramatic version of me can feel like she's in one of the training … Continue reading Post LoDo →

I've just been looking for Latin words on the internet. I wanted to know the Latin for Mr. I now know there's an American body builder called Mr Latin and a variety of dating sites if a Latin lover is what you think might float your boat. I've been to church several times in the … Continue reading Latin lover →

Blue skies, sunshine and warm. Grey skies, windy and cold. Blue skies, sunshine, warm. Snow. I admit that I'm a bit of a rubbish weather girl. I don't predict weather system behaviours, I just talk about what the weather's been. Hot, dry, snow. The soon disappeared hot snap earlier this week caught me by surprise. … Continue reading Weather tart →

I have a bad habit of listening into other people's conversations. It's not intentional but once I've tuned in it's often difficult to tune out again. Usually I wouldn't join in. However, there are exceptions. Students were discussing a friend's upcoming cosmetic surgery. Apparently the reason she's having a nose job is because proportionately her … Continue reading Nosey →

If Stevie Wonder had met me this last week he may have described me as having been born under an angry star. Even in the presence of Stevie, I’d probably have banged on. To kick off this rant, I propose that sentences for criminal police officers should be double that of those meted out to … Continue reading Stars →

I thought that I had but one thought regarding lockdown. Let it end. Only yesterday I had a realisation. During a walk through the city, down Cheapside, past the Bank of England on Threadneedle Street, up Corn Hill to Leadenhall Street where I got my COVID test for the week, I became very aware that … Continue reading The end is nigh →

This week I have been high level irritated. Still battling to do my urgent work and now looking at a couple of late nights, and yet, here I am chatting with you all. The week kicked off with International Women's Day. Thanks lads for allowing us a whole day. Then we had the Meghan and … Continue reading Hate →

I'm very distracted this week. My to do lists are not being effective. I've lost focus. This may be due, at least in part, to lack of sugar, I'm trying to cut out the white stuff. It's not helpful that I have little taste for the burgeoning time sensitive tasks that make up much of … Continue reading Distra…… →

I’m a woman with opinions, many opinions, some considered, some not so much. I would hazard a guess that I have a thought, theory or opinion on most topics. On some things I may have all three. After a recent conversation with Cornflake, I have solidified my opinion that at present, the two main British … Continue reading An Opinion, a theory and a thought for the week. →

I wrote a quick note to Knitty earlier this week, just to touch base. I was struck by a couple of dismal notions while writing it. First off, I’m not missing going out anymore, at least I'm not as desperate as I thought I'd be. Then I was going to recommend, A Discovery of Witches, … Continue reading Let me out out →

So much warmer today, still cold, but not below freezing and I’m delighted.. Yes, dear reader, we are approaching that seemingly small window of time between me ceasing to complain that the weather is too cold and starting to complain that it's too hot. Last week BelVita swore that she would never again complain about … Continue reading Temperate →

Bit busy busy here, but there's always time to salute St Valentine of Rome for all you lovers out there. He's also the patron Saint of epileptics, so here's to you all too. ❤️

Zoom and the stresses surrounding its use feature in my life weekly. It appears I'm not the worst zoomer, the most ridiculous or the funniest. I am both relieved and jealous that those prizes go to Rod Ponton, who is not a cat.

This morning I felt a bit Good King Wenceslas. I drew back the curtains to see snow laying all about, quite a lot of it. Minus four FFS. This image, of an almost vitruvian heap of clothes, is a true representation of my studio outfit today (minus pants and bra, both of which were large … Continue reading Minus four degrees →

When asked by colleagues at the studio how come I got the vaccine so early, I replied cheerily, because I'm old and asthmatic. I never anticipated that being at the outside edge of middle age with an underlying health condition would be in life's plus column, but with regards to the Covid vaccination it is. … Continue reading Jab →

Yesterday morning I dropped the juicy innards of a steak and potato slice down my front while waiting to get into my studio building. Classy. I wiped myself down best I could in the circumstances. As a result of this, to add to the glamour fest that is presently my life, I smelled like a … Continue reading Note to self…Use a plate →

Another rollercoaster week. Tax return, returned with three days to spare, and if that's not reason enough to celebrate, we also had an anniversary. Thirty years since our first date. Just the two of us, at home, dinner and wine. It was very nice, GorJus gave us gifts. Tulips, chocolates and Pearl deodorant, because thirty … Continue reading Ups and downs →

Snow, so exciting, so beautiful, at least for a moment. It makes a child in a red padded play suit of us all. We are also aware that it is rare for the fluffy white stuff to hang around for very long, or indeed stay white and fluffy for very long. No one more so … Continue reading A flurry →

Maison M has noticed that he is using much more bad language since his arrival at the studios in December. There is a suspicion that it is my fault. I excused myself, explaining that my bad language has its origins in Ireland, where bad language is not offensive, just conversational. He's hoping it will be … Continue reading A day well wasted →